Last Friday was World Mental Health Day - and I knew I wanted to write something for it, but time did get away from me a little. Nevertheless, I thought I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass by entirely as there was an itch to scratch in the back of my mind.

Awareness

I find awareness of mental health is certainly more prevalent than it used to be. I certainly know more now about mental health and the impact it can have our lives - including my own. Being able to hear peoples stories is something that has helped me throughout the years and made me feel like I am not alone.

One thing I have become aware of, however, is the real lack of any support for people that are struggling day to day, but are high functioning. Now this is not to say other areas don’t also lack proper support for this too, but this is my own experience.

A bit about my journey

Several years ago I recognised I needed help and I went to my doctor. I already knew that what I was experiencing wasn’t just short-term stress, but long-term struggles that needed attention. When I tried to get help, there was a lot of difficulty around getting me in to talk to someone. I very quickly decided I would get a private counsellor - who I saw for around four years. Throughout my time with this counsellor I learned a lot about myself, how I see the world and what “model” for mental health works for me to help me cope with the world. I felt ready to continue with this work and there I was galloping off into the sunset (moving to a new city - nearly three years ago).

Now without too much detail, I have found myself back into a similar position again - I needed some help. Only this time I do not have the financial stability to pay for private counselling. Everything is more expensive and it feels like everyone has taken almost an ‘invisible pay cut’. I’m sure many people can relate to this at the moment. Suddenly adding a massive weekly bill did not seem feasible. So I had to try and get some form of support without paying for it.

This led to a tumultuous time of trying to access any kind of long-term support as a female adult in a full time job. Again, I won’t add too much detail for privacy, but summary of reasons for no support looked like:

• Cannot provide support for long term issues - only short term crisis
• Experience affecting you didn’t happen recently enough
• You likely won’t qualify for assistance because of your financial situation
• You aren’t in a specific demographic category for support

It was starting to become clearer and clearer to me, that until I am in a situation of crisis (which arguably could be too late) there was not a lot services could offer me to help.

Beyond the professional hurdles, there’s also the social side and how others perceive you when you seem to be coping just fine. Presenting as a “high functioning” adult can also make friends and family dismiss or belittle your experience.

“If XYZ isn’t happening then it can’t be that bad”.

This might be because what you’re experiencing isn’t translating to physical symptoms, but might also be because your life is going quite successfully and nothing actively occurring in your life should be giving you reason to feel this way.

I have had people in my life not take what I say seriously, change the subject quickly to something else, one up me or even sometimes be as direct as tell me I am making it up or exaggerating. Sometimes it isn’t on purpose, sometimes it’s out of denial or fear. But the loneliness festers.

Awareness (again)

For me, I feel like there is a gap in awareness for those who present as perfectly okay and happy, live high functioning lives, altogether appear successful and productive but are not okay. They are getting on while demons bubble beneath the surface. And need help, which they can’t get. There are a lot of people that feel comfortable talking about their experiences, but there also are a huge proportion of people who aren’t. But any time I do get to hear one of those voices I feel a tiny bit less lonely.

I’m writing this to those people in this bucket, the people like me, to say - you are not alone. Your struggles are real and you deserve the help you need to live a fulfilled and happy life. You are not broken, you are not weak, you are a human being just trying to do your best. Don’t compare yourself to others or think you are any less than those around you.

We have spent years pushing down the things that affect us, soldiering on when we had every right to break down. And breaking down now is nothing to be ashamed of - even if the life you are living right now is going really well.

World Mental Health Day may have come and gone, but the conversations it inspires shouldn’t. I started writing this because I had an itch in the back of my mind I couldn’t ignore — and maybe that’s what awareness really is: the quiet urge to care, to notice, to understand. For many, the battle doesn’t stop when the campaigns finish; it continues quietly, every single day. So keep checking in with those you love — and with yourself. It’s a thorny world out there for everyone, but the greatest gift life can bring is knowing we don’t have to walk through it alone.